A poem about grief and attachment – by Shamaya “Sha” Smith

SUBMITTED BY FR. MATT RUSSICK, TOR

Each day I awake to a new heart
A heart more willing to let you go
And I hate it
I wanted nothing to change between us
Want nothing to change between you and me
But it has changed
It must change
That is the hardest part of life
Both fruit and famine manifest through change
If I had my way, If I lived and breathed through my desperation
I would trap you forever in my heart
and you would be a prisoner of my devotion
I would enslave you to my love and keep us both safe from change
but that would make me like a child who found a broken bird
and thinks that if it holds on tighter the bird will live
not understanding that only when you unclench your trembling hands can the bird breathe
can it thrive
I’m learning to understand that and letting go there is still love
I’m learning that to truly love there can be no control
grandmother, I cannot keep you like a butterfly trapped in a jar
suffocating in the airless space created by my grief and sorrow
I have to let you go
I have to let you move and breathe and find your being away from me
this is love
love is patient
love is kind
love is torture
but most importantly, love moves
it passes through you
it passes through me.
it passes through, to an end; to death.
but if it is really love it never ends.
and that is what I hold onto
no distance, no time, no failure can bring the love I have for you to an end
each day I awake to a new heart
a heart more willing to accept that you’re gone
but a heart more full of a love that will never end