Dearest and most prudent Miss Tokar, 

            I have a crisis. It’s already four weeks into the semester, and my ring finger still lacks a sparkly diamond. You see, I’m a senior, and I’m counting on my boyfriend to propose in time for graduation. 

Most of my household sisters have already bagged a fiancé, and I’m desperate to show them an engagement ring of my own before we disperse home after graduation. Plus, as a Human Development and Family Studies major, my main goal in attending Franciscan was to find a husband. I will be nothing but disappointed if I have to accept my diploma this May without first securing a job as a stay-at-home wife!

How do I motivate my boyfriend to propose? I don’t want to be pushy, but I also don’t want to ditch my dream of a ring by spring…

Sincerely, 

Languishing in Louis Liz 

Dear Languishing in Louis Liz, 

Your coy modesty is charming, but you need to drop more hints to your boyfriend… he’s a man, not a mind-reader. Here are some practical strategies to guarantee a proposal by April:

First, casually mention your shared goal of 12 kids. Next time you have a date at Clear Creek, say something like this: “Babe, you know that 15-passenger van we want? Well, it’s not going to be filled with kids if we don’t get married soon. I’m not getting any younger.” This comment will definitely hasten a proposal!

You could also send him your engagement-themed Pinterest board. If necessary, annotate it with guidelines like “pre-proposal Adoration in the Port” or “ring with gold band only please NOT SILVER.” Besides prompting your boyfriend to go down on one knee, this strategy outlines exactly how you want him to do it.     

Another method is buying marriage prep books. I would recommend Three to Get Married by Ven. Fulton Sheen and 101 Questions to Ask Before You Get Engaged by H. Norman Wright. When your boyfriend visits your dorm, leave these books conspicuously displayed on your desk. Tell him, “These books are chock-full of great advice! In fact, I think it says somewhere in Theology of the Body that you should get married young!” See what happens. If he doesn’t get the hint from that, be cautioned that you might have a reasonable one on your hands and might need to resort to some drastic measures.

If all else fails, start researching religious orders. Mention to your boyfriend that the Carmelites or Dominicans sound very appealing to you. Usually, these comments scare men into proposing faster. However, if your boyfriend is too dense to notice these hints (or if you become drawn to religious life), consider dumping him instead. You might discover that a religious vocation satisfies your heart more than an MRS degree. 

Write back and let me know what happens! Whether he pops the question in the Rockies or the Walmart parking lot, you should expect a diamond ring by spring break. And, if you end up needing bridesmaids for your Christ the King chapel wedding, my schedule is clear and available. Just saying.

XOXO,                   

            Lilia