Dear Romeo and Juliet

Dear Romeo and Juliet, 

I’ve found myself in a really embarrassing situation. My boyfriend and I made a pact to do a 2 a.m. holy hour together in the port every Friday night. This past Friday, my household got an intent, and so I stayed up and celebrated with them. We ended up having a sleepover in our common room, and I totally forgot about the holy hour. I’ve tried calling my boyfriend to explain, but he keeps ignoring me. I don’t know what to do; how do I fix this?


Sophomore Bernadette Johnson 


Dearest Bernadette,

Oh, man. Oh, you done messed up. OK, step one is never, ever, promise your boyfriend anything. It always turns on you. Step two is how to solve this problem. Keep this in your back pocket for any future mess ups, too. It would be a pretty good St. Valentine’s Day idea too, but you need it now. Since this was also your household’s fault, you’ll need their help. Also, get his roommate in on it. So first, I need you to get some sheet music of the Ave Maria. Next, you and your household need to learn how to sing that with harmonies and everything. Tomorrow night, go outside his window and serenade him. Make sure his roommate keeps him in the room. Once you’ve finished, present him with a homemade heart cake to symbolize your love for him. Speaking from experience, he should drop to his knees in tears because of how beautiful the song was. If he doesn’t accept this as an apology, drop him.

Good luck,



Dear Romeo and Juliet, 

I’ve got this issue; my girlfriend keeps asking me to attend her household commitments with her, but I’m not really a fan of households. Ever since I attended their Authentic Femininity Rosary night, I just can’t do it anymore. The introductions are so dumb; I don’t need to know what kind of window each girl is. How can I compromise with her without having to attend another cult meeting?


Junior Nate Smith



Personally, I do not see your problem with knowing what kind of window every girl is. Have you never wondered what type of window you would be? Nevertheless, you have gotten yourself into quite the predicament. Here’s what you do. Pick some of her favorite saints, but make sure they are women. Some good options are St. Gianna, St. Cecilia or St. Therese. Just make sure they have a whole “authentic femininity” idea around them. Go to the bookstore and buy as many prayer cards for these saints as possible. Get some tape while you’re there. Now, I’d like you to tape every single one of those prayer cards to her car. Then (and only then) will she know you truly do care about her femininity. After this, she will never ask you to come to a commitment again since she knows your knowledge of femininity is far greater than her household’s.

Let’s hope this works,