Dear Romeo and Juliet: Babysitting and Train Derailment

By Anonymous

Dear Romeo and Juliet,

My household sister is in Austria, and she is constantly texting me about all of the new foreign guys she’s meeting. Every week there’s a new guy who’s “the one.” The rest of household is too nice to tell her she’s being ridiculous, but, frankly, I think this just needs to stop. I don’t know how to tell her or how she’ll take it. What should I do?

Gemma McNulty


Dear Gemma,

Obviously, you need to pretend like you did exactly what she did and you regret it. Tell her about how you went to Austria and wasted your time with boys. If that doesn’t work, then you have no other option than to fly over there and babysit her, but who can really complain about getting a babysitting gig in Europe?



Dear Romeo and Juliet,

I will never understand a woman’s ability to take a problem and blow it out of proportion. With the whole trail derailment and the chemicals in the air and water situation, my girlfriend has decided that we need to drop out of school for the semester. We are literally 30 miles away and let’s be real… If we’ve lived in Steubenville for this long and we’re fine, we’re probably invincible. How do I get her to calm down and have some common sense?

Andrew West


Dear Andrew,

She might have a point… But if you want to get her on the same page as you, then start a fake social media account. Make it look like the account is run by some trustworthy environmental official. Then start posting about how the train derailment situation is totally under control and in fact leaving Steubenville would be worse than staying there. Everyone knows you should believe what the media says, so there’s no way she’ll question any of it!