House blames immature males for lack of dating on campus

Shanice Kirabo
Staff Writer

The satirical charity Dumb Ox debate Nov. 21 in the Gentile Gallery decided that the lack of dating on campus is due more to immature males than standoffish females while raising money for the Aim Women’s Center.

The motion, which was “This house believes that the lack of dating at Franciscan is due more to standoffish females than immature males,” failed with 174 votes opposing and 164 affirming.

Juniors Nate Lamansky and Brigid Ambuul led in affirming the motion.

Ambuul said that the standoffish women of campus throw “metaphysical Berlin walls” in every room they occupy.

Ambuul said, “Dating is like being in the (Priestly Discernment Program). There’s a really high acceptance rate but a low retention rate. And that is mostly on the women.”

She said that women do not trust the gene pool of the opposite sex and would rather reside in “ivory towers” and “pray for Jane Austen outcomes.”

Lamansky, clad in long socks, slides and a bathrobe, said the lack of dating should be blamed on the ladies not taking the time to appreciate the “alpha-male Chads” on campus. Instead, they confide in “beta-male soy boys” and try to mold them to fit their expectations: “A 6-pack, 6-figures and 6.0 GPA.”

At the end of his speech, Lamansky performed several impromptu push-ups.

Opposing the motion were junior Emilia DeGroat and senior Nathan Burt.

DeGroat labelled Nate Lamansky as “exhibit A” of the variety of immature males on campus. She said that because of the men’s immaturity, the women on campus end up being objectified by being reduced to “long skirt equals good wife.”

DeGroat said men need to stop playing lousy video games in the “bowels of Trinity Hall” and prioritize their studies. She said they should stop resembling high schoolers who always dress in hoodies and sweatpants. Immature males cannot set themselves up to meet the standards that the so-called “standoffish” women gauge, she said.

Burt said, “Any guy here who believes in this motion — this is the reason you are single.”

Burt said women go to Franciscan to get married. He said the immaturity lies with the men who do not want to ask any girls out, and added that men should never wear bathrobes in public ever.

Burt said the main problem at Franciscan today is that students misappropriate dating and use it as a tool to look for a spouse.

Burt concluded that men should ask girls out and women should allow these men to pursue them.

Graduate Alex Denley, who was the chairman of the debate, said, “Because of this culture, having a boyfriend (or) girlfriend becomes an accessory. Dating loses its function in society.”

Attendees could pay $5 to speak, $10 to stop someone from speaking and $1 to vote. The Veritas Society raised around $600 for Aim by the end of the evening.