One snowy night last January, I trudged to Egan for a debate on the heresy of sedevacantism. I had spotted posters advertising the debate, and as an optimistic freshman, I assumed that anybody was welcome at the debate. Not so.  

The moment I sat down in the classroom, the man next to me squawked, “Um, we have a problem.” The president of the debate club took notice and informed me that this was a men’s only event — a meeting of the Men’s Debate Society, in fact. So I left the classroom in shame.  

However, I resolved in my contrarian heart to someday infiltrate Men’s Debate Society. That goal came to fruition this September. Under the pretense of reporting the event for The Troubadour, I attended the Society’s debate on AI data centers.  

I entered the room mentally scoffing about a men’s only club, but I departed with a new perspective on male- and female-only groups.   

The Men’s Debate Society meeting that I witnessed was incredibly masculine. (I know this is shocking information.) Latin chants were sung, friends were insulted and jokes were told that cannot be printed in The Troubadour. And beneath these jolly trappings, I noticed a dedication to wit and reason, qualities that these men were pursuing together.  

As I left the debate, I wondered if my presence had skewed the vibes of the meeting. I now understood why women are barred from Men’s Debate Society: essentially, some things are better with the bros. But this rule of thumb has deeper implications on virtue and marriage prep— implications that wife-hunters and husband-hunters should consider.  

Your average Franny wife-hunter often implants, like a sleeper cell, in a mixed friend group. The gang studies together, plays the guitar around bonfires, and messes around in Walmart. Eventually, crushes develop.  

That is not a bad thing! Crushes are awesome! I am not opposed to mixed friend groups— however, I believe that students should consciously balance their social time between mixed and same-sex friend groups. It can be tempting to park permanently in a mixed friend group (for both spouse-seeking and fun-seeking purposes). But exclusively masculine or feminine community can benefit your soul and even your future marriage.    

For example, same-sex friend groups have a greater capacity to teach virtue. Free from romantic distractions, you and your friends can share practical advice in your struggles against sin. Fighting the devil with these friends will help you be a holy spouse someday.       

And, in the words of Nathan Ryan, president of Men’s Debate Society, “To have a flourishing relationship with the opposite sex requires that one first be grounded in their respective masculinity or femininity.” Same-sex friend groups free you to enjoy your masculine or feminine whimsy without wondering if your hair looks repulsive. Tend this whimsy by insulting your bros at Men’s Debate Society, going on nature walks with your girls, or praying with your household.    

Virtuous same-sex friendship is truly composted chicken poop for the garden of the soul. The brothers and sisters you meet at Franciscan will mold you into a more virtuous person. Seek these friends’ mentorship, cherish your masculinity and femininity, and cultivate virtue together. These steps will prepare you for intimate and virtuous friendship with your spouse.  

But most importantly, these friendships will lead you to closer friendship with your soul’s spouse, Our Lord Jesus.