Joshua Judges Ruth: Entire student body declares war on dating culture


The entirety of Franciscan University’s student body has expressed frustration for the past four years that the entire student body doesn’t know how to date.

“The dating culture is so uptight here. Everyone needs to relax,” said everyone.

When asked to elaborate, the entire student body expressed its attitude of annoyance that the entire student body has an “over-pious and too serious” attitude toward dating on Franciscan’s campus.

“Guys should stop discerning whether they should date and just ask girls out,” everyone was reported saying. “And all the girls need to stop assuming that a coffee date is a marriage proposal.”

Neither photographic nor anecdotal evidence was obtained for a male student “over-discerning” a date in the Port, nor of a female student planning her wedding at Cupertino’s.

“But it must exist,” said the entire student body. “That’s what all the speakers at dating talks say, anyway.”

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