Emily Salerno-Oswald
Columnist
Midterms. We’re really in the thick of things right now.
Some of us are done with midterms, and some of us are not out of the woods yet.
This is the time of the school year when it is common for students to feel overwhelmed. You might’ve realized too late that you are committed to too many clubs, and you can’t keep up with them all.
Maybe you have multiple midterms on the same day, and you don’t know how to possibly study for them all. Perhaps you feel as though you are just barely scraping by, keeping your head above water but feeling like you could go under at any moment.
The assignments keep coming, and it seems nearly impossible to complete everything in time.
Perhaps you’ve fallen behind. Perhaps you’re constantly on the verge of doing so.
Maybe something really hard has happened in your life this semester. A family member or loved one has died, a relationship has ended or you’ve been battling health issues.
All these unexpected things just make matters worse. If you were already falling behind without the obstacles, then you’re definitely behind now that the obstacles have come up.
So, where’s the hope in all of this stress? Is college simply equivalent to the experience of a hamster running on an endless wheel, never getting a moment to catch its breath?
What I’ve realized is that the way we treat ourselves in the midst of feeling overwhelmed has the capacity to make the overwhelm ten times better or ten times worse.
If we are already falling behind and we decide to call ourselves “stupid” or remind ourselves of all the things we haven’t gotten done yet, it is very counterproductive. It just adds insult to injury and prevents us from getting anything done at all.
More importantly than just inhibiting productivity, it is not fair to us. If we’re mean to ourselves, we disregard our inherent, God-given dignity.
People tend to have a lot higher expectations for themselves than they do for others. We have nice, cliché terms that sum up this sentiment like “being your own worst enemy.”
When we fail, even if it’s a tiny mistake, we internally say things to ourselves that we would never say to a friend. Why is that?
I think it’s because we’re out of practice. We have a lot of experience with having compassion for others but not enough with doing so unto ourselves.
What is self-compassion? My definition would be to address and treat oneself with patience, gentleness and forgiveness.
Another definition I came up with is bearing one’s own mistakes with love and viewing them as growing opportunities.
Some people think that self-compassion is the same thing as being self-centered or having an ego. These are not the same things.
Self-compassion means loving yourself unconditionally, as you would any other person. It does not mean inflating your love for yourself beyond the level that you love others.
What does the Bible say about the concept of having compassion for ourselves?
Mark 12:30-31 references the Golden Rule, saying “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
Additionally, Ephesians 4:2 states, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.”
If we are to treat others the same way we are to treat ourselves, then it implies that we must begin by treating ourselves with love.
John 15:9 states, “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love.” Just think about the gravity of those words.
Jesus loves us with the same amount of love that God the Father loves Him, who has never committed a sin. How can we beat ourselves up if we believe that?
This week, love yourself, whether you rocked your midterms or bombed them. Love yourself even when you fail, and get back up.
Use the love you have for yourself as motivation to do better next time. And if you don’t know how to have compassion for yourself, just think about the amount of mercy God has for you.
Here is a challenge to get you started: the next time you feel like you’re failing once again, write down three reasons why you are proud of yourself (even in that moment of failure).
Just three things that you did right that day– however small they may be. Maybe it’s “I woke up. I brushed my teeth. I went to class.”
Maybe you woke up late, barely brushed your teeth, and rushed into class in the middle of the opening prayer, but nonetheless you did all three.
Celebrating the little things that you do right is the first step to loving yourself in the way that God loves you, which will then allow you to better love others.